Resolved: Rejoin the Rest of the World

Huh.  Last entry October?  Right, it's time to get a new blog strategy.

Though actually, I have to say I wasn't present for much from October until now, and it was kind of a nice vacation.  I can't say exactly where I was or what I was doing – obviously I can say that I was here in my house and that stuff did happen, but the part of my brain that blogs was checked out.  However, it's back now.  And as one of my goals for the year is "get used to exposure," blogging it will be, a lot more often, too.

And today I'm going to talk about my collages.  Since my brother helped me figure out Coppermine, I won't just tell you – I can show you.

These are my collages.  Well, okay, there are two collages sort of buried in there, here and here, and if I get my stuff together I've got another two to post in the gallery eventually – but the other stuff is detail work on the Governess story because the camera I used for that is only so-so, and I was dissatisfied with the detail work.  But I may have gone overboard on the detail photos.  A Touch of Steel is the finished story, and at the moment I have it out to readers and out for the Golden Heart contest.  The other one doesn't really have a name beyond "The Governess Story."  I've toyed with The Governess and the Sea or The Governess of the Sea, but really the only solid part right now is that it's about a governess.  And a sea captain.

I really love my collages.  I don't much care if other people hate them (though I love to hear that people love them) because they are so perfect for me.  And that's the best part, that I make these just for me.  I save pictures, scour hobby shops, Google image search until I can't find any more photos, then spend an afternoon with glue and tape and everything I've found.  I tend to take over the dining room when I do this.  The making of the Governess collage found my four year old was awake for a change (I tend to do these in the middle of the night), and she insisted on making her own collage, which actually turned out really well.  I should take a photo of it and post that as well.

I love collaging because that's where the magic happens.  Writing has its moments, but there's so much stress and angst there that I tend to be bonkers half the time while I do it, and if there are miracles I'm either so behind I don't have time to rejoice in them, or I'm so frazzled I don't even notice them happening.  Wait, there have been some miracles in the Governess draft, but it's hard to hold onto them because they're all mental and you can downplay them later.   But collaging?  That rocks, every time. 

I don't structure my collages consciously, though they're always very structured.  They just happen.  I start gluing and cutting and moving stuff around, and it just happens and when I'm finished, they're gorgeous (I think so anyway) and they're perfect and right.  Once I've made a collage I relax because I know it's a real book.

I have Jenny Cruise to thank for the collage habit, and believe me, I thank her pretty much after every one, because it's sort of like birthing a child – every time it blows your mind what you just did.  She has a great article or two on it, but for some reason her page is refusing to load properly for me just now, but really, you should poke around on her site anyway, so go play for yourself.

I have four collages in my office.  I only have one finished (all the way to the end, polished and in the most initial baby step stages of attempting to get it published), but I know I have three more books in me in the near future because there are three more collages.  I can tell you in depth what each picture means and may do that someday – but the part I love is that I don't sit down and get stressed about how it's going to happen, I just let it happen.

I really can't describe how it is that I do that, which is a shame, because that's the biggest miracle.  I get myself so tied in knots over the words, and the arcs, and if it starts going south I freak out and worry what it means.  I sweat over craft, worry about things I can't control, hyperventilate when I think about submitting to an agent – but even though I know there are more artistic things out there, I'd show ANYBODY my collage.  And when people don't understand them or know what to say, I tend to think, "Well, it's not for you anyway."  

This should be happening with more in my life.  Just let stuff fall where it will, view it all as the miracle it is, then show it proudly to everybody.  And if people don't get it, shrug and think, "It's not for them."

And the miracle at the moment is that I have the sort of life that when my daughter woke and came into my office, I just unplugged my headphones so she could listen as she plays with the Buffy and the Eowyn from my writing altar while I work.  It's good work if you can get it.