THAT'S IT

I'm issuing a proclamation.  People are going to stop being stupid RIGHT NOW.

Very well, that's not only unrealistic, it's non-specific.  Let's try that again.  People will stop pretending their selfishness is actually concern for people they "love."  Because that isn't just stupid, it's mean, and it hurts.

Examples of what is selfish and stupid, not loving:

1. When a bright, capable and happy young woman is graduating from dental school, you do not ignore her accomplishments and happiness and life full of promise and ask her if she is seeing anyone.  You know, I bet if she is, she'll tell you.  Probably while gloating, because she's been listening to you nag her for years.
2. You do NOT ask people when they are having another child.  If you must, you ask politely, openly, and when they say, "I don't think I'm ready now, and I may never be," your answer is not, "But you're such a good parent.  I hate to see you waste yourself." 
3. If a friend is unmarried or no longer married and is not actively soliciting you for advice in their love life, you do NOT see them stand next to a member of the opposite sex for five minutes and then assure them you're so glad they "finally found someone."

We could be here all day with examples, because there are a lot.  But the bottom line is that somehow it's still socially acceptable to nag people into fitting into a preconceived ideal.  When I wasn't married, I was asked who I was dating.  When I was dating, I was asked when we were getting married.  When I was married, we were asked when we were going to have kids.  I had one kid, and they wanted to know when I was having another.  I was doing fine, until I said, "Maybe I'll just have one."

Alert!  Alert!  She's breaking the mold!  Expectations are AWRY!  Alert!  Alert!

Why are we not allowed to have our own lives?  Why is it "loving" to nag family and friends into doing what we want them to do, instead of letting them do what they need to?  I've been told, "They mean well."  Thank you.  That helps so much.  So they're just stupid?  Or blind?  Because I thought I was being clear. 

I understand people are afraid people they love are missing out.  Taking the wrong road.  Heading for heartache.  But here's the catch: if I did everything people wanted me to do to avoid hurting, I wouldn't be me.  I'd also most assuredly be depressed.  In fact, I look back at the first thirty years of my life and see all kinds of times when I did things just to please others.  You know, it didn't pay well.  The best times were the risks.  Some of those risks I wish I would have taken further.  Because I might have gotten hurt, yes.  But I'd have a lot more of my own living under my belt.

So everybody, STOP.  Stop telling other people what they want.  If they ask, that's different.  But if they aren't asking, you've just got to button it, because you may see what they're doing as a mistake, but it's important to them.