mini-zen

I have no idea how I got here, but I seem to have stumbled into a little pocket of zen, and I have to say, I hope it sticks around a bit.  It's the damndest thing -- life is whirling around at a frenetic pace all around me, there's stuff like insanity everywhere I look, my schedule is really busy, and yet I'm getting a lot done on a lot of fronts, I'm getting in a lot of reading, a lot of family time, we have clean clothes, and food in the fridge.

Seriously -- I spent all last week beating one scene into place, and now I'm on scene five (this is a revision thing, so there's a lot of insertion.  I haven't written four scenes in four days.) and moving steadily forward, but I'm only working in the mornings.  It's like I have extra time or something.  Like somehow time is bending for me into just the right shape, and I'm calmly, happily walking through it, getting done what needs to be done and occasionally bending over to smell some flowers at my feet.

There is a part of me that desperately wants to analyze and figure out how I've done this so I can bottle it and do it again, but then I remember the manna.  You know, the Bible is good for a lot of things, and that manna story is a good one.  When you get gifts from the gods, DO NOT try and sneak extra helpings.  Just be damn glad food is falling from the sky and enjoy it while it lasts.  So I'm enjoying my manna and reading a lot of Prachett.  I've started buying them, because it must be done.  I want Hogfather again soon (reading Soul Music just now) and then I"m going to want to see Granny and Nanny again.

Something is coming, though, and that's not a reference to The Christmas Invasion, Whovians.  I just have this sense.  April or May, (maybe March, but I try not to think about that, too close) something is coming.  I keep dreaming about it.  Last night I dreamt that I was in a color guard at the church where I was baptized and confirmed, and somehow this was all related to some online groups I'm on.  I was a "senior" and I was in charge of the program, and whenever someone dropped a ball I had to go pick it up. 

The coolest thing was there were all these flags that had to go up front before the service started: the Lutheran flag was there, and the American flag, but there was also a Human Rights flag and a transgender flag, and I carried the latter.  I remembered in the dream being really glad our group was so diverse that we had a transgender flag.    But then they were about to start the service and nobody had brought up the American flag, though everybody was standing and ready like it had already gone past, so I hurried back and picked it up and ran with it flapping all the way up.  Then I went back to find the rest of the ushers.

Except I kept crying because it was my last program, like I was about to graduate.  And after that I woke up, and it was like somebody whispered "something's coming."

You know, at this point aliens would actually be easier to take.  Because my gut keeps saying, "your whole life is going to change" and won't tell me why or how (actually, I think it's that I won't let me tell me why or how) and it's everything in me not to be a baby and say, "but I like my life!"

So I'm holding on to this pocket of zen and refusing steadfastly to think about April, excepting that we may be traveling in April and that will be fun.